The Less Serious Version of Otzi’s Death

Here, in my scientist lab, I have conducted research as to why the Iceman/Otzi died. Everybody says he was killed by a tribe member, or maybe someone that got into a disagreement with him. Those stories though, sound completely fake to me. Here’s my version of why Otzi died:

First off, you know how they said he got murdered right? Well, that’s the only thing I believed. His body was small, kind of like a leprechaun. But it can’t be that easy. He only had two arrows finished. The bow wasn’t finished either. How are you supposed to shoot arrows that don’t even have a finished bow. Easy. They said he had 3 diseases in the last 6 months. That’s probably because he was sick of having Tony Romo throw interceptions. When Tony left the team, phenomenal rookies took over such as Dak and Zeke. Another good rookie was Odell Beckham. He got popular fast. Like another celebrity, David Beckham. David Beckham loves tea, just like a lot of people in Europe. Switzerland is in Europe, and the mountain Otzi was on was in Switzerland. Because Otzi was on a mountain, I think that because Otzi was so high up, he was almost to the peak. Just like Odell Beckham is almost at the peak of his career. And you know what brand he supports, that’s right. Head and Shoulders. Just like where Otzi got shot, the shoulder. And something else they found, was what he had eaten in the past few days. One of them was grains, which was also considered cereal. Just like Lucky Charms cereal. Which was made by leprechauns. And so, in conclusion, I think that a leprechaun killed Otzi because he was chasing the rainbow at the top of the mountain. The leprechaun then sprinkled his good old pixie dust. (Lucky Charms.) To make him smaller. And that is why scientists said that he had cereal, (the Lucky Charms). But, the real problem is… that a leprechaun killed him, an undocumented illegal leprechaun and he’s got to be killed.

The More Serious Version of Otzi’s Death

It’s me again, in my scientist lab. Turns out, I was wrong about the leprechaun thing, he was found but they pleaded him not guilty. So now my story is considered made up. So now I have to do another theory. And this one can’t be denied. Here’s how I think Otzi died:

I know why Otzi died because of simply his diseases. Because of his ax, that meant he was in high honor. So I think that he simply was struck with diseases so fast, that he decided he was going to leave his tribe so that he didn’t have any other tribe members to get the disease too. So he hiked up a mountain until he found a good spot to rest. He brought along all his stuff to survive. My guess is that the reason he didn’t have his arrows or bow finished was because he was forced to leave quickly. He was walking around thinking about what to do in the morning, when he got shot in the left shoulder by an arrow. His brain immediately went into hyperdrive and everything slowed down. His heart was beating out of his chest, until it couldn’t beat no more. Otzi was dead. The reason he got shot was because I think a tribe member of another tribe came across Otzi and saw his three layers of fur and his ax and immediately knew what tribe he was in, so they killed him. Knowing that he killed a tribe leader, he rushed up to Otzi and searched through his stuff hoping for something good, but the only things even remarkably close was some unfinished arrows, and an ax. If he was caught walking around with the ax, they would all know he killed Otzi. That wouldn’t be good for him!