Bad-

Once there was a tall skinny guy named fred.  There was also a little fat guy named Jimmy.  Jimmy and Fred WENT to the park.  They saw a unicorn and Jimmy hit it with a baseball bat.  Fred Cried.  Jimmy got in trouble.   THE END

GOOD-

Once there was a Skinny guy named fred.  He was very tall, and had very strong emotions.  There was also a guy named Jimmy.  Jimmy was short and fat for his age.  He was also a bully.  Jimmy and fred went to BlueBerry Park.  Jimmy BROUGHT a baseball bat.  Jimmy and Fred saw EACH OTHER.  Fred ran away and hid behind a unicorn.  Jimmy chased after him and hit the unicorn with the baseball bat.  Fred ran away crying, and called the police.  Jimmy got put in jail.  THE END