To prepare for the next Performance Task, I am asking you to write a review on a vacation destination you have recently been on.  Your review can be either good or bad.  Please rate your experience, providing as many details as possible!  Persuade us to either visit your wonderful location or avoid it at all costs!

Me: Ahem. I have an important announcement to make. NEVER let your mom drive on Skyline Drive, it wont ends well.

Avocado: Let’s start from the beginning.

Me: I was born and raised in farm country-

Avocado: Not that far back. *mutters “idiot!”*

Me: Shut it you can of green slop. Anyways, in the summer of 2017 my family went to Shenandoah National Park. It’s known for its animals including deer, bear, rodents, birds, and vegetation. Shenandoah runs along the Appalachian Mountains. It took us about SEVEN hours to get there. But, it was totally worth it. On one of the nights we camped there our tent filled with water (the tent’s roof had a hole in it-don’t go camping with us).

Another time I fed a wild deer with my bare hand (I named her Sally.) Overall it was an awesome trip. I definitely recommend going to Shenandoah National Park this summer. There is a really big meadow with so many deer. Also, remember when I told you guys not to let your mom drive? Well, we were driving on one of America’s most historic roads, Skyline Drive (the road with the tunnel), and a mama bear ran out in front of a van. My mom slammed on the breaks and we all jolted to a stop. After Mom made sure the coast was clear, we kept driving. Then a BABY appeared! Mom slammed on the breaks again. Then we were about to keep driving and ANOTHER baby ran in front on us. That was three times I almost lost my lunch in thirty seconds. And may I remind you, I don’t handle really windy roads that well. I even get motion sickness on the bus….

Avocado: Stay on track! No one wants to hear about your “suffering” on the school bus. I feel bad enough for the kids sitting next to you.

Me: They don’t mind. All I do on the bus anyways is sit and try not to think about food. Anyways, all this talk about roads is making me feel bad so let’s change the subject…

Avocado: Finally.

Me: Anyways, It was raining on one of the days so we went to this nice lodge to hang out for a while. It was warm and we got some food there (I didn’t get anything-go figure). After my family ate we went down stairs to the basement and found an empty room. We played cards and sat around. Yeah, I liked that place. Hmmm, we also went on a lot of walks. We traveled to a mountain Stony Man. At the top was a beautiful spring. I have some spring rocks from it. Shenandoah has so many waterfalls. We climbed them and looked under the overhangs. I was hoping for some sort of secret passageway but didn’t find any. You probably think that was stupid but come on! If you were in my position you wouldn’t have been able to resist. Anyways, Shenandoah National Park is a great vacation for the whole family! I sound like a commercial- camping is great and you don’t want to miss the waterfalls. Come to the park lodge and enjoy a nice cup of coffee!-I’m actually trying now-and it is pretty fun-try it some time. But for real, it is a really fun park and I hope you consider going there!

• Which one of your parents are you most like? Include a description of the parent, so that we can picture them in our mind.  Use sensory language: see, taste, touch, smell, hear

I am the daughter of Joie and Dave Culbert (I almost said son). But since they’re my parents I’m going to call them Mom and Dad. I think I am like both of my parents. An example of me being like my mom is that I have a creative side. My mom likes to design things like houses, decor, and plants. I got a bit of that knack too. I like to draw, paint, design, sketch, and mold. Me being like my dad is that he’s super athletic. He played soccer from a young age to college. He also plays on a church team. I love soccer too. I’ve played the sport since I was little. 

My mom is average in height. She has olive colored skin (so do I). Definition of olive colored skin: Olive skin is a human skin color spectrum. … It generally refers to light or moderate brown, brownish, or tannish skin, and it is often described as having yellowish, greenish, or golden undertones. Anyways, my mom has black hair with golden highlights. She normally wears a bun. She’s is great at design, cooking, being a mom, and her job. My mom is a high school counselor at Lancaster Catholic High School. WE ARE NOT CATHOLIC. No offense, but that might have been a little misleading.

My dad on the other hand is average in height too. He has light skin and brown hair. Dad normally wears khaki pants and a t-shirt to work. He is great at soccer, basketball, tennis, making jokes, and eating. He works at Christ Home. Christ Home is a place for foster kids. We visit the foster homes a lot. I have made many friends there. But then they leave and more come in. The kids are lonely sometimes so they need a friend. Every year we invite Christ Home over for the Superbowl. It gets really crazy. One of the foster moms always dances during the halftime show!

Sometimes we visit the place where my mom grew up, Carlisle PA. I go walking around town with my Grandpa listening to stories. He knows almost everyone there. All the senior citizens call me ” Little Joie” or “Little Dave.” Dunno how they even know my parents much less me. Anyways, I think I’m like BOTH of my parents. Which parent are you most like?

Avocado: A lot of people like to make resolutions in the New Year (ways to improve themselves).  What is your New Year’s Resolution?  What is something that you would like to see happen in the year 2018?

Me: My new year’s resolution is traveling to the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. During the summer of 2017, I traveled with my family to Shenandoah National Park, Virginia. The sights were picturesque. I fed a deer. That’s a story for later. We hiked on a number of trails including Little Stony Man, Stony Man, and a lot more that I don’t have time to name. Anyways, the Great Smoky Mountains are very pretty. And there’s a lot of wildlife. There’s also Cades Cove, full of elk, bear, deer and more.

Avocado: Remember when the tent filled with water in the middle of the night?

Me: Cheek!

Avocado: He he he.

Me: Anyways, I hope that this year people will start respecting the ecosystem more. Around the world people are cutting down rainforests for wood. This destroys animals habitats and makes them, well, homeless. Also that people litter way too much. When you throw Gatorade rings into a pond or the ocean, all of the little fishies are at risk. Save the environment. 139 acres of trees and forests are being cut down every minute. No trees, no humans……..

* Comment down below what your new year resolution is.

Avocado: Who is your favorite superhero and why?

Me: Hmmm, I wonder who?

Avocado: Who?

Me: Wow, did you not read the title? We really need to get your eyes checked out. Anyways, I really like Batman because he is the master of stealth and detective work.  Also that he is just a human and he has no superpowers at all. He also has so many enemy villains he beats them all! He’s also a billionaire. Plus the fact that he has beaten the justice league BY HIMSELF! Last, he was trained by Ra’s Al Ghul. Here’s a quote from Odyssey, ” When the best trains the best, you get a legend.”

First off, how can you beat stealth? If they can’t see you, they can’t defeat you. This is a very good technique that Batman uses.

Avocado: But how is he stealthy and a good detective?

Me: Batman is actually Bruce Wayne. His Bat Cave is right under the mansion, Wayne Manor. I think that you have to be pretty stealthy to keep people away from it. The Bat Cave beats any other man cave for sure. He is a good detective because he knows how to observe even the tiniest details. In 2012’s film, Justice League:Doom, Batman has a list of how to immobilize the Justice League. Though the list gets stolen, Batman and Cyborg rescue the Justice League from the supervillains.

Avocado: Okay, but what about him not having any superpowers? Doesn’t that make him more vulnerable than the other superheros?

Me: No way. He has this really cool belt that helps him do different things. He also has the Batmobile, which again, is named after him just like the Bat Cave. He has a really cool way of fighting. He strikes, then he disappears like nobody’s business.  On his belt he has Tasers, Batarangs, Grappling Gun, Bat shark Repellent, Built in Lie Detector, Batmobile Remote Control, Fake Vampire Teeth?, Finger Taser, and his thing that shoots a line to catch him when he falls. Not to mention that he has a very cool fire-proof cape!

Avocado: Huh, never thought of it that way before.

Me: I know! He also doesn’t have any superpowers. He is all human! He wasn’t bit by a spider like Spiderman, he didn’t fall into earth as a super baby, he wasn’t even bit by a bat! That actually would have been pretty cool. Whatsoever, Batman uses sheer muscle and brains to take down his enemies. Though he has a lot of enemies, he somehow always manages to bring them down. Here are a couple: Poison Ivy, Harley Quinn, THE JOKER, Penguin, Mr. Freeze, the Riddler, and maybe the Justice League too. Batman’s also a billionaire. Let’s be real. With all that money, Batman uses it to buy all the special supplies he needs. And late night lobster dinners.

Avocado: If I had all that money, I would take over the world!

Me: Okay, *1) No one asked you. B) How would an avocado earn all of that money? D) There are over 1,500 billionaires in the world.

Avocado: Wow, you really gave me a positive head start. Thanks.

Me: You’re welcome. Now, Batman also is super awesome because he has taken down the Justice League all by himself. That’s when the list gets stolen and Cyborg and Batman have to save them. Last, Batman was trained by none other than Ra’s Al Ghul. He is a great master and he has a very stylish goatee.  Batman has learned well.

Thanks for reading and comment down below if you have a favorite superhero.

• Do you guys like what I did with the numbers and letters? It goes 1, b, and then d! I’m laughing at my own joke. Yeah, I’m pretty cheap.

Avocado: I got a challenge for you.

Me: What?

Avocado: Would you rather have to loudly sing the chorus of Jingle Bells every time you walk into a room for a week OR have to wear a Santa suit to school every day for a week.  WHY?

Me: Santa suit. Who wouldn’t want to have a beard? Besides, I would be all warm and comfy for a week. Also, I would be able to let kids sit on my lap and tell me what they want for christmas. Then I would throw them off and say “NEXT!” Also, I would be able to eat anything I want to. Santa’s job is to deliver presents, make kids happy, and get fat. Also, I have flying reindeer, so enough said.

Avocado: Were talking about you DRESSING UP like Santa, not being him.

Me: Whatever.

Avocado: You have an overactive imagination.

Me: I’m putting you on the Naughty List. Right, ok, where was I, oh yes, me dressing up as Santa. I guess I would get a lot of laughs. I think I would do it. Santa’s suit looks soft and sleek, so I would be able to slide on the floors. Maybe I should start making the Naughty and Nice lists right now…..

Avocado: Don’t you even think about it!

Me: Naughty: Avocado, brothers (Will and Jordan), Shadow (my cat who knows he shouldn’t eat bacon grease), Dad (who peeks into my very badly wrapped presents). Nice: Moms (and all the other moms out there because they’re all awesome), my cousin’s baby, Ellis.

Avocado: You forgot someone on the Naughty List.

Me: Who?

Avocado: You!

Me: That was terrible.

Avocado: Your face is terrible!

Me: If you don’t stop making terrible jokes that I think you meant as insults I will pull out the christmas tortilla chips. Also, I went to the grocery store and I got some fresh, pulverized, guacamole. You want some?

Avocado: First don’t pull out the chips! Two, can you get me a spoon, that guacamole looks good.

Have I ever wanted to try something new? Of course I have. You know, the occasional spicy pepper, or the kid that you want to meet but you can’t? We all have those times, but, there is ONE thing left on my bucket list. Okay, maybe a few hundred things left on my bucket list.

The #1 thing that I absolutely have to do is: Play professional soccer for the U.S. If girls played football, I would play football. Some of you are saying, “but girls do play football.” And I know that. It’s just wrong. Lookup “girls football”. That’ll make you understand why I DON’T want to play girls football. I like watching football though, mostly NFL. I like the Pittsburgh Steelers, as if you couldn’t tell from my sub-title. Enough about football, let’s talk about football.

I started playing soccer when I was about 4 years old. I played on a team called THE EARTHQUAKES!!!! I loved that team because before a game, we would stomp our feet on the ground as If we were an actual earthquake!!! Cute, huh? There was also this team called THE TIMBERS!!!! My dad and I always laughed when they did their little dance. They would fall backwards onto their backs like trees! Hah, we thought that was SO funny!

Anyways, I just finished my last U-12 season. I would of been playing on a U-15 team this fall, but there weren’t enough girls. In the spring I will hopefully be playing in U-15. What is a U-12 and U-15? They are like ranks that depend on your age and skill. So if I was 5, I’d play on a U-6 team or a U-7. My positions sometimes vary. I always start off as center mid-field. You need to be fast and to have stamina. You also need to know how to pass. If you don’t pass to your strikers, the other team most likely will steal it. I know that If I try SUPER hard, I can do it.

I know a lot of guys in my grade want to play professional football. The chances of getting into NFL is crazy small. I think most of them want to either play on the Eagles or some other team. Literally, I think there are at least 5 guys that want to play professional football. Hopefully they have backup jobs just in case their dreams get crushed. I think one is Joie, then Dane, Dimitriy, and now I’m not even sure WHAT Dane wants to be. And I also kinda exaggerated the fact that 5 guys that want to play in the NFL, because I only counted out two. Eh, who cares?

So hopefully someday, I will play on the girls professional soccer team! I’m still trying something new, right!!!???